ME: "Crack smoking judges"....HAHAHAHAHAH
TIM: Are you finished? Had enough?
ME: Sorry, Tim. It's just not that often I get to have a laugh because of something YOU'VE said.
TIM: Well...I explained it and I don't exactly apologize for it and by the way, a smoking crack pipe would account for most of the clothes in your closet so let's not travel down that road, agreed?
ME: Whatever...it's still funny.
TIM: So! You're back from Ohio. Is sunny California as you left it?
ME: Let's see. My daughter is due to pop at any time with her 3rd child and my house smells like a kennel.
TIM: So everything is about as expected.
ME: Pretty much.
TIM: I noticed you came home with quite a bit of jewelry. And it's big. And colorful.
ME: I know, right! I can barely type with this stuff on my fingers and wrist. I love it!
TIM: Where do you plan on wearing it?
TIM: Edit, Deborah
ME: I thought this type of jewelry went from casual to after 5:00. That was my thought process.
TIM: YOUR thought process? The same thought process that allowed you to give birth four times in five years? Put your wedding ring on your "shopping list", next to "mop and broccoli" when you went to Walmart? That thought process?
ME: Well, when you put it that way...
TIM: Use your accessory wall thoughtfully. And by thoughtfully, I mean rarely, and not all at the same time. Those are big pieces. Okay...the bracelets you can double up on. But some of those rings-take it easy.
ME: Nice to be back Tim.
TIM: Put the pipe down...and it's nice to be heard.