TIM GUNN GIVES "VOICE" LESSONS...

TIM: So I couldn't help but notice how much straighter you're sitting. Any particular reason?

ME: Am I really sitting straighter?

TIM: Oh, you certainly are. You hadn't noticed?

ME: Hmmmm, I guess it must be subconscious. A reaction to my latest endeavor.

TIM: If I turn and walk away will I be spared the details or will you spill them anyway?

ME: Oh no, they're comin' at cha big boy. They're spilling...clean up on aisle Tim.

TIM: *eyeglasses temples in mouth* Spill.

ME: I'm practicing writing in my "scholarly voice". It's fun. You wanna hear it?

TIM: *bent over shaking*

ME: Oh my gosh! Are you laughing? Seriously, are you laughing at me?

TIM: Oh my dear, that is priceless. No, seriously, what are you really doing.

ME: I was serious! Yikes, I can be a scholar! I can use a scholarly voice.

TIM: Oh stop it, you're killing me. Oh, my sides....this is so rich...

ME: Dude! I just summarized a heavily researched article in a peer-reviewed journal on organizational leadership regarding goal-conflict and it's relationship to budgeting constraints between athletics and academics and the effect, if any, on the academic health and personal well-being of students.

TIM: And you just referred to me as "dude" before you launched into your defense.

ME: Rats

TIM: Yea...

ME: Hmmmmmm....

TIM: Your posture isn't as straight anymore.

ME: Well, of course not, I was set down a notch or two.

TIM: Are you going to use your "scholarly voice" at the dinner table or when you speak with your grandchildren?

ME: No.

TIM: You're not going to use that ram-rod straight spine of yours to play with them either. Relax. No one loves you because of any "voice". They love you because of your words. Go sit in that rocker you're so fond of and curl up in that obnoxious little ball thingy you do.

ME: Awwwwww, Dude.......

TIM: We'll discuss THAT voice another time.

TIM GUNN ON AGING ISSUES

TIM: What's that smell?

ME: I'm fine. And yourself?

TIM: No really. What is that?

ME: That's my sore knee. I speed-walked today and now I'm paying for it. It's an ointment the doctor prescribed.

TIM: You mean unguent.

ME: What is an "unguent"?

TIM: Deborah, I came from your head, that word was in there. You must know what it means.

ME: Whatever. I need to treat the knee and prescription salve is the treatment of choice.

TIM: What's wrong with good old-fashioned aspirin? The swelling goes down, the pain goes away, and no one smells your problem.

ME: Well, it's not good for the alimentary canal, it doesn't cut it in the pain department and this is less invasive.

TIM: Speak for yourself, my olfactory system has been invaded plenty.

ME: Your olfactory will recover.

TIM: What's wrong with your knee anyway?

ME: It's refusing to play well with the rest of us. We, collectively the rest-of-my-body-mind-and-spirit, are actually quite young at heart; but the old knees are grumpy old things that refuse to get along. They ache and moan and cause problems.

TIM: Hmmmmmm, sounds like some people I know...and by "some people" I mean certain bloggers who have imaginary conversations with style gurus.

ME: Hey! I am not an achy, moany, problem-causing blogger. I am fun. I am youthful. I am.....covered in unguent complaining about my joints. Oh my gosh, I'm old.

TIM: No no no...you're not technically "old"...you're just biking toward the exit ramp. You'll get there one day, but just don't kid yourself that you'll never make that turn-off. Enjoy the ride, take in the scenery. It's alright to know that the exit ramp to senior-ville is ahead, perhaps even way ahead, but you can go in style. You can even wear those leggings you're so fond of.

ME: So, I'm doing relatively okay on this aging journey?

TIM: You're doing "relatively okay"...just don't throw away the aspirins.