Wednesday, October 29, 2008

TIM GUNN TALKS ABOUT THE ELECTION...

ME: Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh

TIM: Let's edit the drama. What's the problem.

ME: The election's coming.

TIM: And?

ME: I'm still not sure who I'm voting for. I'm that hideous demographic called "The Undecided"

TIM: Kind of like, "The UNdead"?

ME: Yea. I'll wish I was dead if I make the wrong choice.

TIM: There will be plenty of people to make that happen if it gets out who you voted for.

ME: Don't I know it!

TIM: I thought you were 100% behind Obama?

ME: Wrenches were thrown in the works. There were hitches in the giddy-up. Spin was spun.

TIM: Were you attacked by the cliche police?

ME: Something like that.

TIM: Quick! I need you to be more vague. I almost understand what you're saying.

ME: I know I know. I sound ridiculous. I really don't know who to vote for anymore. I've listened intently to both sides. They're both passionate. They both have good points. I thought if I "picked my battle" and just went with the candidate that best represented me on that particular issue, that priority, so to speak, then that would be that!

TIM: Okay, that's a plan. What happened?

ME: I can't come up with a definitive battle! There's just so many! So many people that I love and respect are voting for different people. There's no real consensus. No mandate.

TIM: So, you're picking other peoples' minds? You're trying to figure out what other people are doing? Am I hearing you correctly?

ME: It sounds like that doesn't it?

TIM: Excuse me. I'd like to speak with Deborah please.

ME: Tim, it's me.

TIM: No. I need Deborah. The loud-mouth blond Democrat that talks way too fast, dresses funny, sits weirdly, rocks too much, has poor taste in, well almost everything?

ME: Me again.

TIM: No, I'm not certain I know you.

ME: Fine. You have my attention Mr. Runs-into-the-room-with-Gunns-blazing. Spill.

TIM: Who are you? What is this? You were dead on certain about Obama for months. You even had a link to his website on your other blog; you know, the one that isn't as cerebral OR as interesting as this one. But since then, you've studied the issues, became politically active, even stomping for some issues. You involved your HEAD, as well as your HEART. What does this say about you?

ME: I went with my emotions when I supported Obama. I was seduced by his "feel good message". I didn't study things out thoroughly. Right?

TIM: Could be. Does that mean it's wrong to support him now?

ME: Not at all. He could still be the right man. But I have to support him now based on what my research tells me. I have to learn to balance my critical thinking skills with my emotional response. And if I'm using my critical thinking skills, McCain can and does have good points as well. In fact, there was a time, I'm thinking 2000, when I actually loved McCain. But was that emotional at THAT time as well? Am I getting it?

TIM: Yes, you're getting it. Now, continue to edit. Phase out the drama, bring in the rational thought. Step back, take a look. Look at your family. What are your immediate needs for the next year? The next four years? What are your priorities? Are they financial? Are they feelings of security? Are they morality issues? Which candidate will best represent what you're going to be about in the immediate future? Are you with me?

ME: Am I with you? Seriously? Just try to get way from me. No don't! That would totally require some kind of weird medication that I can't afford...no health care coverage...wait!...oh my gosh....HEALTH CARE COVERAGE!!!! BY CRACKY!!!! I THINK WE'VE DONE IT!!!!!

TIM: "WE" Do you have a multiple personality in your pocket? Oh wait...

7 comments:

Eli Bowman said...

I sometimes wonder if Tim Gunn is actually a real, living, breathing person or if he's a facade; masking the existential abnormalities of Freudian catastrophes based upon quantum physical experiences having to do with politics, television, or good food.

...someone please enlighten me on this.

Unknown said...

to eli's comment: there isn't a word that accurately describes my totally blank facial expression. The closest might be, "huh?"

The Katzbox said...

At first, I thought Eli's response was some kind of a rap, then I just picked it apart and it almost makes some kind of weird, delicious sense, so now I need to commit to memory so I can recite it some time at a boring faculty dinner party (assuming I get invited to one)....must. memorize. response....

Diane said...

I'm afraid Eli took the words right out of my mouth.

The Katzbox said...

Diane, don't make Tim Gunn show up at your door for a conversation...a very very enlightening conversation!

Anonymous said...

i'm with Abby.

HUH???????

Emmy said...

Eli, this is why I would have you over for dinner every night if you didn't live 3,000 miles away. Love you!!! And, abby, I love your response, too. . . you're invited, also! Man, I need to see those babies eli and abby!