ME: Hey! I'm on my way, you know.
TIM: It's me. You should just stop now.
ME: Well, I'm trying to generate enthusiasm. You know, I've completed the Master's portion and I'm officially in the doctoral program. IN IT TO WIN IT!!!!
TIM: Again. It's me. You should just stop now.
ME: Really. You're right. I don't even feel excited. It's just another day isn't it? No big deal. I don't know why I'm not more "up" about this. It's an accomplishment.
TIM: Deborah, you're never "up" about anything. It's just your nature. Why should it be different for this? When you're genuinely enthusiastic about something, it shows. If you don't feel enthusiasm, don't sweat it. Why are you even concerned?
ME: Well, I get congratulated and people ask me what my plans are and if I'm excited and I have no answers for them. I can't work yet...I have more schooling...It just seems like I'm more in the middle of my journey than at the end, or even at a mile stone.
TIM: So...what do you need me for?
ME: I don't know. Don't you have something pithy to add to the conversation? Maybe about how I should dress the part? Fake-it-till-I-make-it kind of thing?
TIM: Are you questioning the road you've chosen?
ME: ?
TIM: You semi-heard me. Are you? Are you wondering if you're taking the correct path? If you should stop now or continue with your current trajectory, or even change to a different track?
ME: Well, I'm always looking at other "things" and how I can use what I know in other applications. Does that count?
TIM: Do you have to find a job tomorrow?
ME: No. I have awhile.
TIM: What on your immediate agenda?
ME: Going to Ohio to see my mother, kids, the whole shebang.
TIM: Are they going to demand these kinds of answers from you regarding your future?
ME: Oh no. We're just going to hang, eat, and laugh.
TIM: Exactly. What don't you just take that brain of yours out of overdrive and relax for a few weeks. We can revisit all of this in the fall when school starts again. Stop "trying" to feel emotions that you're not feeling. That's called being "authentic". Not unlike that crazy color of nail polish I've been all over you about. And don't get me started on the synthetic leopard print in your closet. Repeat after me, "There are no synthetic leopards".
ME: See you in Ohio....
2 comments:
Pith.....
...it IS a big deal, Mom. You only feel like it's just another day because you've been working at it for so long. You do the same things now as you did during that portion of your schooling. Since you've started school with your goal in mind you've woken up, figured out what classes you had that day, ate meals, blogged, juggled your calling with your family life with your schooling. None of that has changed as you've moved into the PhD portion. It seems so "blah" because your eye has been on the bigger prize of a doctorate this whole time. I know what that feels like. I went to school so I could get a job to support my family, so when I graduated, I knew it was a good thing, but my race didn't feel finished, and it wasn't finished because I still needed a job (the thing I was wanting all along)!
...so congratulations on making it 3/4 of the way through the marathon...you'll know the finish line when you see it, because you've already been seeing it for the past few years now.
...and LEAVE HER BE, TIMOTHY!!! :)
This makes perfect sense...soon, it will be "Eli's Voice"...
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