TIM GUNN GIVES "VOICE" LESSONS...

TIM: So I couldn't help but notice how much straighter you're sitting. Any particular reason?

ME: Am I really sitting straighter?

TIM: Oh, you certainly are. You hadn't noticed?

ME: Hmmmm, I guess it must be subconscious. A reaction to my latest endeavor.

TIM: If I turn and walk away will I be spared the details or will you spill them anyway?

ME: Oh no, they're comin' at cha big boy. They're spilling...clean up on aisle Tim.

TIM: *eyeglasses temples in mouth* Spill.

ME: I'm practicing writing in my "scholarly voice". It's fun. You wanna hear it?

TIM: *bent over shaking*

ME: Oh my gosh! Are you laughing? Seriously, are you laughing at me?

TIM: Oh my dear, that is priceless. No, seriously, what are you really doing.

ME: I was serious! Yikes, I can be a scholar! I can use a scholarly voice.

TIM: Oh stop it, you're killing me. Oh, my sides....this is so rich...

ME: Dude! I just summarized a heavily researched article in a peer-reviewed journal on organizational leadership regarding goal-conflict and it's relationship to budgeting constraints between athletics and academics and the effect, if any, on the academic health and personal well-being of students.

TIM: And you just referred to me as "dude" before you launched into your defense.

ME: Rats

TIM: Yea...

ME: Hmmmmmm....

TIM: Your posture isn't as straight anymore.

ME: Well, of course not, I was set down a notch or two.

TIM: Are you going to use your "scholarly voice" at the dinner table or when you speak with your grandchildren?

ME: No.

TIM: You're not going to use that ram-rod straight spine of yours to play with them either. Relax. No one loves you because of any "voice". They love you because of your words. Go sit in that rocker you're so fond of and curl up in that obnoxious little ball thingy you do.

ME: Awwwwww, Dude.......

TIM: We'll discuss THAT voice another time.